BLURRRRR

That’s what things can feel like sometimes. A blur. They say time flies when you’re having fun. I couldn’t agree more. They say after your teenage years that time goes even faster. Another truth, that you have no idea about until you actually experience it for yourself. I’m not complaining, I’m more contemplating, wondering. I think that 20 is the “tweens” for adulthood. The Teenage to Young Adult Life Crisis. No, I’m not having a crisis, but in life there are no guarantees. Now that I’m “getting older” the decisions I make have much more weight on me and my future, and boy do I feel their weight. And I knew that my mom was just crazy. But now, in my “adulthood” things are a bit more real.

thoughts after spamming only jay chou’s songs (the love/sad/mellow ones) since the start of the week

many of his songs is applicable to life, but this particular song struck a chord in me.

(using this link instead of others as this is the only audible one)

the history that we had, and quoting from the last 2 lines of that song : “我已经分不清 你是友情. 还是错过的爱情”.

i firmly believe this is one of jay’s best songs.

kindly turn up your volume, audio is bloody soft for this song. song title says it all, all i want from this person.

edit : probably one of the saddest songs jay has ever sang.

yes that IS jet li.

realization

today, i have come to realise that it fucking hurts when you totally get friendzoned by someone you have a major crush on.

1 month on..

Didn’t study properly. Thought I was gonna fail my exams when I realised I only studied only half of each subject respectively. How did I know? Questions for the exam were given 2 weeks prior. I left the studying of both subjects to 12 hours before. Burnt midnight oil on both days. Was the first one to leave for 1 of the exams, and surprisingly got a B for that and a very very lucky D+ for the other, if not I would have to sit for a re-test.

And then school reopens. Dyed my hair something deeper than hot pink, changed hairstyle. Made up my mind to study properly this time round for the exams, which account for 40% of the grade. Then again, the individual assignments and group assignments are the stumbling blocks this time round. It’s a funny thing, I have 2 of each to finish, 1 individual and 1 group for both modules respectively. But, in one module – Principles of sports & leisure management – I don’t have progress on my group assignment, probably due to 2 members. 1 doesn’t provide ideas, and the other can’t think of a SMART idea. What can I do? LLST lor.

——

Women are just confusing lah. Before my holidays started, she didn’t pay any attention to me, giving short answers etc. Now, after school reopen, she seems to be trying to interact more with me, and it’s her that starts the conversation most of the time, total opposite from last term. She didn’t call / sms me last term, but this term, she does. No idea what she is trying to send really.

—–

Star Wars is awesome.

—–

Lord of The Rings is even more awesome.

life moves too fast.

i dyed my hair silver, faded to blonde. went to brown, then faded back to blonde. studying in a new school now, studying sports and leisure management, made new friends / enemies / acquaintances. studying hard.
friends coming, friends going, only a few stay as they were.
i don’t know how much i’ve changed in the past half year. but i definitely know this, feelings still linger. and i’ve been searching for replacements all this while, none feels right.

operation misfire.

i thought going away would solve all our problems. but it was not to be, i thought if i stopped talking to you, our lives would revert back to normal. it did, but it just didn’t feel right.

i tried to ignore that feeling, and it just keeps on back. you just keep appearing in my mind. i tried distracting myself by being busy with other stuff, which all but succeeded in helping me rid my mind of those feelings. whenever i see you i feel a sense of euphoria, that you’re still there and that i can still have a chat with you. but whenever i don’t see you, i get paranoid, worried if something has happened to you or not. or if that chat would be the last one we’ll ever have.

i must be going insane.

DBSK – The gods of the east indeed.

awesome at acapella. even more awesome at ballads.

Translation
Everytime you loosen our entwined hands,
I tried to hold onto the warmth,
Everytime I think I’ll be able to meet you,
My heart dyes with a beautiful shade.
Even the common things turn into memories when we’re together

Even your voice, even those fragile shoulders,
Even your eyes are not mine,
No matter how much I am by your side,
My feelings won’t come true unless I destroy your future,
One moment’s dream; I love you to the extent that it hurts,
But tonight is ending

I walk the shimmering streets,
Trying to cover the times we can’t meet,
Your playful smile, after our hands had met for the first time,
Keeps reviving in my memories

I want to embrace you; I want to embrace you tightly,
Yet you are not mine; my broken heart,
I want to embrace you but I cannot,
I want you to the degree that it’s overflowing, that it’s melting,
Without even being able to stop the taxi and make a promise
You wave your hands

Even your voice, even those fragile shoulders,
Even your eyes are not mine,
No matter how much I am by your side,
My feelings won’t come true unless I destroy your future,
One moment’s dream; I love you to the extent that it hurts,
But tonight is ending

been looping this song the entire night.

if you don’t think i can’t pull off having silver hair..

i swear you will see me with silver hair one of these days.

in other news, seungri with his new mini-album.

bean

day 1

first time in a long time i have no one to share interesting things / opinions of stuff with. guess i’ll have to deal with this situation for quite a while.

feels weird. sad.

lonely.